Premature ejaculator seeks young, attractive woman for fling. Must have large breasts, nice backside, and…OH…GOD…nevermind.

First, let’s all wish me a very Happy Birthday! Yup, on July 1st, I celebrated one more year on this planet. Not that I have ever spent any time on another planet (contrary to some people’s belief). I was ordered to attend a barbecue that evening, arranged on my behalf, to mark the occasion. And spent the next day in recovery mode, as a result….good times, though!
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July 1st also marks my 15th anniversary of employment at my current job. Which sems like a very long time, looking back at it, now. I have certainly worked with a lot of different people in those 5 years. Most of those people did not stay for even 5 years, some as little as one year. and one fellow started work and quit the very same day, leaving within one hour, on the very same plane he flew in on. I guess we did not make a very good first impression. It so happens that I worked for this company, as a contractor, in a nearby oilfield, for several years, before being hired on, so have been working at this facility since it was built.
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This next quote was reblogged so often, I got tired of tracing it back to it’s source, so I will just attribute it to “anonomous” and specify that it is not my own:
“You know why Canada is so awesome? Because we are the only country in history who gained our independence by asking nicely.”
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I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m proud to be a Canadian, but I can certainly think of a lot worse places to live….

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So ein Misthaufen
! OK, guys, come on, it’s only soccer. The German Football Association has told Lena Gercke, one of their soccer players’ girlfriends to keep her outfit tasteful while watching the team’s games. Keep it tasteful, my foot! You can’t make rules about what the fans wear, so long as it’s legal to dress that way in public. I will admit, though, that she could be distracting, no matter what she wore. I mean, she did WIN Germany’s first Top Model competition. But to get all uppity about this:

outfit seems retarded. And makes me wonder what kind of cows the other players are dating, that Lena looking like this has lowered morale. I mean, it’s just shorts. Although she does have very nice legs. But if legs affect you so much, what, are you 13? And you can’t even see her boobies. So she did “tone it down”, to this:

Which in my opinion did nothing to reduce her appeal. Then again, what would? A burka?
Wonder what they would do if she ever decided to really turn up the wattage, like this:

Probably have a collective ticker. So, I guess we will see how the team does, now that no one is “distracted”.  They had advanced as far as the semifinals, but apparently Spain retained their title as champions. For whatever reason.
http://www.sportsgrid.com/soccer/sami-khedira-girlfriend-attire/
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Ha! I freaking LOVE this line! The case of the post poop planned posterior pummeling.  This reporter really has a gift with words! And the guy in the story really has a problem. How do you properly kick a guy’s ass when you really gotta take a shit?
http://blogs.tcpalm.com/off_the_beat_will_greenlee_blog/2012/06/a-54-year-old-man-was-arrested.html
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Say you were a former professional wrestler. Think  your tough guy image would suffer at all if it came out that your wife beat you up? Makes me wonder who called the cops.
http://www.wcnc.com/news/neighborhood-news/southpark-madisonpark/Report-Ric-Flair-wife-involved-in-altercation-at-home-160380045.html
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A few friends and I were discussing, a while ago, what changes, if any, would occur in Russia after Putin got re-elected. Here’s one: lots of people saying “Fuck it. I’m outta here.”
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/putin-election-steers-russians-uk-country-life-154837436–sector.html
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Uhhhh. What? If you need this product, it may be time to reassess your diet. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure there are some people out there who are rank no matter what they do, but not buying that there are so many of them that these people can make a profit on fart pads.
http://www.colonialmedical.com/flat-d-flatulence-deoderizer-P-1004.html
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How to waste precious nom nom time making douche dogs. Seriously? IT’S A FUCKING WEINER! Two simple steps: Cook. Eat. OK, three. Wash down with refreshing beverage. Um, four. Equally refreshing nap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyieI2bxyIk&feature=player_embedded
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continuing with the pretentiousness, the same site decides we are too stupid to make a proper peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So they try to convince us to put ketchup and chives on the mutherfucker. And grill it. Yeah, show me a video of a 3-year-old boy eating one of those. Proper PB&J construction? Once again, two steps: Take bread, spread PB & J. Finished. Except for obligatory refreshing beverage/nap, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3HehLKqxsY&feature=relmfu
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This product would be helpful for said nap. Except whoever photoshopped it should have also done something about the “hours of energy” quote below. Energy is not something one would typically associate with a nap.

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I think The Colonel got hisself some bud. First a sandwich with chicken for bread, and now this. Dude! The cheese goes inside the bun! All this would do is make it harder to eat. And way easier to mess it up. Imagining the number of times the customer completely loses the cheese when it sticks to the inside of the packaging.

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Whoa! “We’re gonna need a bigger cage!”

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Just some great landscape photos I found.

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Air sex legends? If you gross out Howard Stern, you may need to re-evaluate your choice of pastime.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/29/air-sex-world-championships-howard-stern_n_1637636.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news
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My opinion is that wireless routers should be shipped with security enabled by default. Write into the setup instructions how to disable security, if the consumer wants, but explain why it is so important, and set a generic password, randomly generated, that only works temporarily. There is no reason to NOT have a password unless you live at the South Pole. Because there is always some asswipe waiting to use someone else’s naivety to spread their hateful message, or get something for free. Usually something illegal.
http://gawker.com/5922389/open-up-your-wireless-network-to-prevent-swat-raids-like-this-one
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I was very pleased to read this story. Hopefully it will teach these, and other kids, some respect.
http://news.yahoo.com/students-viciously-bullied-bus-monitor-suspended-022634219.html
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And maybe, if there were more teachers like this, there would be a better group of kids being turned out of schools. How can someone ask a teacher to artificially prop up someone’s grades. Probably related to getting funding, but still wrong. If a child has learning issues, it should be brought to light, and special help should be provided. Not even trying? Too bad, so sad. I guess you fail, kiddo. I have held this opinion for a long time, though, actually, since I was in high school, myself: high school should teach kids how to live life. Not everyone is going to be a rocket scientist, so higher learning is not going to help them get, or keep, a job. For example, I was horrible at Algebra, and in Grade 11 that difficulty was going to cause me to fail that grade. Yet, not once, in the many years since, have I needed to figure out what (2X x 3Y) equals. so what was the point? And I stick by my decision, at the time, to quit school and find a job. Sure, there were some tough times in there, but algebra would still not have made any difference. So if someone wants to get a highfalutin job, figure out how to pay for a college ejumacation. Otherwise, best to get yourself prepared to be an average citizen when you grow up. While I know a few people who are fairly well-off, most of my friends are making an average wage: less than $50,000 per year, before taxes.
http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/06/29/no-zero-teacher-investigated-by-union
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I had to watch this AWESOME video a few times, just to completely grasp everything involved. In a little more than one month, the new Mars exploration rover, Curiosity, is scheduled to land on the red planet. There are so many different ways this landing could go wrong, in the short time between entering the atmosphere, and touchdown. Please be careful, Curiosity!
http://tomsastroblog.com/archives/12798
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If it’s good enough for Alice, it’s good enough for me! Alice Cooper recently covered Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way” at his concert on the 8th of June of this year. He really rocked Gaga’s song up, and, as you can tell, from the audience reaction, they loved it. I think I will include it on my next video playlist. I recently began to follow Alice on Twitter, which is how I found out about this event, and have been tuning in to his radio show “Nights with Alice Cooper”, for quite a while. It is available online in various places, but I listen to it at Q-107, from Toronto. It airs on Saturday night, there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfIX13m8oBU&feature=player_embedded

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Another interesting combination is this John Lennon / David Lee Roth mashup.
http://snd.sc/bol6Fs
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Madonna is officially insane. Or senile. She has hired a “sterilization team” for her current tour, whose job it is to remove all of her DNA from her dressing room after she leaves, and before anyone is allowed to enter. Is Madonna DNA now suddenly in big demand?
http://www.contactmusic.com/news/madonna-has-dna-cleaning-team-for-tour_1350328
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Amazing pictures of ordinary objects through an electron microscope:
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50x zoom of human eyelash hairs

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salt and pepper

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Used dental floss

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The latest “Fantasy Garage”:
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Great name.

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No idea what this engine is from, but it looks powerful.

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I find it difficult to believe that these rare beasts are being left to rust away
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Well, it appears there is interest in this one…..

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Anyone who takes a classic Chrysler and desecrates it by transplanting a (ugh) Chevy drivetrain into it does not deserve to own it. At first, I was like “FUCK YEAH!”, but then I read the story, and just got depressed. This car looks very similar to one I owned, as a teenager. Black, two door, Chrysler 300, 383 pushbutton automatic. It was a great car!
http://bangshift.com/blog/kar-feature-the-incredible-hulk-a-two-ton-evil-1964-chrysler-300k-that-runs-8s.html
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My  buddy told me that after both he and his wife had suffered depression for quite  a while, they decided they were going to commit suicide last week. But strangely  enough, once she killed herself, he started to feel a lot better and thought,  “Fuck it, I’ll soldier  on!” .
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So I’m with this beautiful young woman who is lying there, naked in  front  of me. Perfect breasts, a slim waist, her bottom like two fresh  peach  halves. She’s trying to act cool, like  she’s not interested in me, but it  gets to the point where I just can’t  take it anymore. So I end up with this HUGE erection. Before I know it she’s leapt up, grabbed her  clothes,  and stormed out of the room. “Oh, fucking well  done!” says the guy next to me. “What are we supposed to draw  now?!”
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I hate it when I screw up a perfectly good joke, but I was informed (multiple times) that I did just that, in my previous post. The last line of the Jerry Sandusky story, should have been: his fellow inmates, serenaded him, on his return to his cell, with the line from Pink Floyd’s The Wall: “Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!” I have gone back and fixed it, hopefully before too many of you were disappointed by my mistake. My only consolation is that I see mistakes on others blogs, which makes me understand that it is fairly easy to do. And I will leave you with that,  for now.

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