Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to be getting any smarter, yet. I imagine everyone is aware of that skyscraper in Dubai that caught on fire. A couple of days later, I saw this quote. “I was at a party last night and footage of that hotel in Dubai burning was on TV and someone I’ve never met goes “Look! see how it’s not collapsing??” Well, DUH! The fire did not involve jet fuel.
And criminals are definitely getting stupider. How could this fool not foresee this going wrong?
This is an old story, but, still, EW!. How long was that food in there?
Chinese flight attendants are apparently kissing apples, and selling them online. The funds raised are to be put toward helping University students achieve their goals.
If you are tired of seeing stories about Donald Trump, and use the Chrome browser, there is an add on for you.
So, there seems to be enough evidence to charge Bill Cosby with rape, in one case. I saw, on the news, that he appeared to have trouble seeing, as he entered the courtroom for his arraignment. Was this a play for sympathy? Because he didn’t seem to have any trouble walking into the jail after his arrest. His lawyers claim these charges are politically motivated, which may be, since the prosecutor who vowed to bring him to justice is up for reelection.
I don’t care how drunk I got, I am positive I would never want to have sex with a goat. Let me clarify that: OR ANY ANIMAL.
This experiment shows how stupid some school dress codes are.
While this design is unique, the fact that it requires electricity to work makes it undesirable, in my opinion. And I wonder how well it works in the wind.
There is now a device which a pregnant woman can insert in her vagina that works under the premise that sound heard by a fetus can stimulate their development.
Who would like a bath mat made of moss?
I wonder how many women would appreciate their home smelling like two stroke engine exhaust.
What some people in British Columbia, Canada feel are emergencies.
The recent weather woes in the United Kingdom have revealed a treasure trove for fossil hunters.
Desert Island Disc #4.
New music of the day. Laura Jean Anderson – Feels Right. She has two other songs on YouTube – Your Lovin’ Here Has Just Begun, and Take Me In, which I also like.
Another one gone. Singer Natalie Cole has passed away.
Here she is, singing a virtual duet with her father.
How Ozzy Osborne survived all the abuse he put himself through.
Scientists have evidence that chimpanzees have entered their stone age.
A giant squid was recently spotted in Toyama Bay in central Japan, a very rare event anywhere.
A squirrel snowplows its path along an electrical cable.
A group of people worked together to free a beached blue whale from a beach in Chile.
Elephants are much larger than people, but, with many more cells that could mutate, they very rarely get cancer.
All of these “find the panda” puzzles reminded Tracy Lynn Heightchew of Louisville, Kentucky of a picture that hangs over her kitchen sink, so she decided to post her real life version of “find the panda” on Facebook. It took me about 20 seconds to find it.
The Chinese Yutu lunar lander has discovered a type of rock that has never been found on the Moon or on Earth.
Some GM SUV’s are making their passengers physically ill.
I had not been aware that 1/3 of new cars are sold without a spare tire.
But, at the same time, one automaker, anyway, has patented a method of using one of a car’s wheels as a unicycle.
How’s this for nuts? Ice skating with a chainsaw for propulsion.
Many degrees of more nuts is this six wheel drive truck driving off a cliff.
How to tell when you have grown up.
1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can’t smoke a one of them.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up.’
10. You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are lying in bed one night. Sherlock runs off to the kitchen and comes back with a jar of lemon jelly. Quickly he turns Dr Watson over onto his knees and starts smearing it around his bum. “Sherlock,what the hell are you doing?” Dr Watson gasps. Sherlock smiles and replies. “It’s a lemon entry my dear Watson”.
The company hires a new man. He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up, he calls his boss. “I’m sick,” he says. The Boss excuses him. The man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability. The next Monday, he once again calls his boss. “I’m sick,” he says. The Boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row. Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week. The following Monday, he calls his boss again. “I’m sick.” The Boss excuses him, but decides to call the man to task on Tuesday. Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office. ”What gives?” asks the boss. “I can see you’re a hard worker, but you’ve only been here three weeks and you’ve called in sick every Monday.” The man says, “Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another and we end up in bed making love all day long.” ”Your sister!?!” says the boss. “That’s disgusting!” The man says, “Hey, I told you I was sick.”
Four guys have been going to the same moose camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Ron’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. “Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since yesterday.” “Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said. ‘guess Who?’ I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, “OK, now do whatever you want.” So, here I am.
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles, and he will stop snoring. ‘Yeah right!’ she says. That night the wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep, because of the dog’s snoring. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog’s testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home after being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, passes out, and immediately begins snoring loudly. The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband’s testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly for the rest of the night. In the morning, the husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the sink, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back to the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog’s testicles. He shakes his head, looks at the dog and whispers, I don’t know where we were last night, or what we did, but, by God we took FIRST and SECOND place!
Me and a few guys often get together on Fridays after work. One Friday, Chad showed up particularly late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp. Then he turned and said, “Times are getting tough. I mean, just today, my wife told me that she’s going to cut me back to only two times a week! I can’t believe it.” At which point I put his hand on Chad’s shoulder and said reassuringly, “You think you’ve got it bad, she’s cut me out all together. My doctor said I was paranoid. Well, he didn’t actually say it, but I could tell he was thinking it.
The teacher says, “Let’s discuss what your fathers do for a living.” Mary says, “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad guys in jail.” Jack says, “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all sick people better.” The teacher says, to Johnny, “John, what does your Dad do?” Johnny says, “My Dad is dead.” She says, “I’m sorry to hear that. But what did he do before he died?” Johnny says, “He turned blue and shit on the carpet.”
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted a little “crazy,” he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off. A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing”? I told him I was a light bulb. He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker followed me, the boss said to her, “And where do you think you’re going”? She said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark!”
Leroy asked his friend, Daryl, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day. ‘Yes,’ came the answer from Daryl, who was a bit of a present giving dud, ‘I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.’ ‘That was very kind of you,’ Leroy said, ‘I hope she appreciated the thought.’ Daryl replied, ‘So do I, the vacuum cleaner should work better now.’
Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar and an anorexic prostitute? A: A fake dollar is a phony buck.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did …. she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! Better stop before you are unable to find another teaching job”.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.”
My wife has been missing for a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
Annie and Sam were on the brink of divorce, so they went to visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asked Annie about the problem. She responded, “Sam suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turned to Sam and inquired, “Is that true?” Sam replied, “Well, not exactly. She’s the one that suffers, not me.
A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. “Out drinking again!?” she says. “How much money did you spend this time?” “$100,” answers the man. “$100!!!” she shouts. “That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!” “Easy for you to say,” he replies. “You don’t smoke, you don’t drink, and you have your own pussy.”
This guy from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, was sick of winter, so he went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia. When he got off the plane, still dressed for Canadian winter weather—he wandered into a pub and sat down. The locals wondered about this stranger, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitor and said, “G’day, mate. Where you hail from?” “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,” the Canadian proudly replied. “Oh,” said the Aussie, taken back and returning to his table. “So where’s he from?” the other locals asked. “Don’t know,” replied the Aussie. “He don’t speak English.”
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