I have finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.

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In answer to the comment I received, this week, asking if this blog was how I make a living: No, this is a labor of love. Making money from it would require advertising, and I don’t care for ads. The blog started when I got into the habit of sharing things I found on the web with my friends, and one of them suggested that I start a blog, where they, and others, could be directed to that which I found interesting. And, now that I am retired, it also gives me something to keep myself occupied.

 

I see I am not the only one whose readers ignore requests. Three days ago, as I am typing this, this site asked for jokes in the comments. Mine is the only one, so far. I thought a lot of people liked sharing jokes. Come on, people, support your local blogger! Then, again, most of the posts on the site have no comments. Please do me a favor and at least check the site out. There is a lot of cool, fun, stuff posted.
http://www.amyoops.com/2016/03/hey-you.html#axzz42VhI0dnD

 

Who is vain (or thick) enough to think anyone actually gives a shit what their mood is at work?
http://www.amazon.com/The-Daily-Mood-Desktop-Flipchart/dp/B0024OWHEW/

 

Here we go again. If you can’t do this properly, you aren’t really trying. Let’s go over this again: That little diagram is on top when it is oriented correctly. And the white plastic tab is at the bottom of the plug. If that is too difficult for you, then just quit whining, and go on screwing it up.
cool-USB-cable-connection-wrong

 

Back in the day, people were not defeated by something so simple as which way to properly insert a plug.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19802_the-8-most-incredible-things-slapped-together-in-day.html

 

There is likely a legitimate need for all of these items to be available in bulk, but that doesn’t stop them from being odd. And I suppose they wouldn’t even be available if there were no demand for them.
http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/articles/10-craziest-things-you-can-buy-bulk-amazon

 

I hope she is glad that she was able to exercise her right to be shot. Why is it that so many of these firearm advocates don’t seem to know anything about gun safety?
http://mashable.com/2016/03/09/kid-shoots-gun-advocate-mom/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Mashable+%28Mashable%29#kM8MknMjvgqK

 

Was this a political rally, or a Klan meeting? Over the weekend, a protester jumped the barricade and rushed the stage Trump was speaking from. I could be mistaken, but even with the number of people who were against Obama running for President, I don’t recall these types of violent events during that campaign. 
http://www.salon.com/2016/03/11/the_next_time_we_see_him_we_might_have_to_kill_him_its_dangerous_to_be_black_at_a_trump_rally/

 

And isn’t this both promoting and condoning violence? There are both police and secret service at these events. Let them handle it.
http://gawker.com/donald-trump-may-pay-legal-fees-for-man-who-sucker-punc-1764607237?rev=1457885669412&utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_twitter&utm_source=gawker_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

 

Disturbing to think that Sarah Palin might be more knowledgeable than Donald Trump.
http://www.theatlantic.com/notes/2016/03/why-sarah-palin-knows-more-than-trump/473547/

 

Our new Canadian Prime Minister is a big hit in Washington, D.C.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2016/03/10/canadian-born-celebs-add-trudeau-glamour-wh-canada-state-dinner/81615874/

 

It seems as if this plan succeeded, but I have to wonder if the jobs these two men were given will work out in the long term, and if any others that might receive free bus tickets would receive the same welcome gift.
http://thestarphoenix.com/news/local-news/bussing-of-homeless-men-to-b-c-doesnt-seem-to-be-hurting-wall

 

Morgan Freeman’s opinion of the current state of America’s news media.
http://themindunleashed.org/2016/02/morgan-freeman-fck-the-mainstream-media.html

 

I would have expected the world’s oldest living tree to be somewhat more impressive.
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/04/080414-oldest-tree.html

 

I often put down anyone who indulges in odd sexual practices. This is one of the reasons why I stick with the mainstream ones. I wonder if any of his friends or lovers found out.
http://www.thelocal.de/20160309/firemen-free-mens-penis-from-13-metal-rings

 

Once again, Mike Firesmith has hit the nail on the head. Don’t get me wrong, I am as big a fan of female nudity as the next guy, bigger than some, but not when said nudity is not willing. Going to such extremes as the perpetrator in this case makes no sense. Neither do the many celebrity down blouse/upskirt photos that are popular across the web. Yet some people get great pleasure from a stolen glimpse of bra or panty.
http://www.bitsandpieces.us/2016/03/11/friday-firesmith-the-sins-of-erin-andrews/

 

When getting “motorboated” is something worth bragging about, I think we have missed a turn, somewhere. She likely hopes this will lead to her becoming famous/rich. For the record, I just saw this story posted, I do not follow Katie.
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Also.
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Then  saw this. I knew Daisy was not tall, but I had to look it up. She is only 5 feet in height. How many curves is she suppose to have? Would she have to get a set of oversized bolt on boobs to please this person? Or eat until she developed a Kim K ass? And, now, I have to wonder how Hollywood will deal with Daisy if the rumors are correct, and she gets the lead role in the upcoming Lara Croft movie.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/35770654/daisy-ridley-will-not-apologise-for-her-body-size-after-instagram-criticism

 

I have to wonder how many of these traits Katie has. Or the blogger mentioned below, in the automobile section.
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/243859

 

People need to stop being so picky about what they eat. What does it matter if your fruits and vegetables don’t look perfect? Most of them are going to be cut up before they are eaten, anyway, so most of us will never even know. And, to harvest perfectly edible foods, then throw them away, should be a crime. There are so many people, even in our Western world, who are not able to afford sufficient food to eat.
http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/03/07/469530045/from-ugly-to-hip-misfit-fruits-and-veggies-coming-to-whole-foods?

 

So, now the U.K. is restricting the use of the exclamation point. Out of curiosity, I reviewed what I have written, here, so far, and I have used the exclamation point twice. Both times seem correct, to me, but neither of them are even in a full sentence. One of the jokes I copied contained an exclamation point, as well, and it also breaks the U.K. rule.
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-march-11-2016-1.3486644/new-u-k-rules-spur-outrage-over-student-use-of-exclamation-marks-1.3486666

 

Tired of washing your drinking glass? Why not use one you can eat afterward? A bit expensive for everyday use, though.
http://en.rocketnews24.com/2016/03/09/drink-cook-eat-new-ika-glass-is-a-cup-made-entirely-of-squid%e3%80%90pics%e3%80%91/

 

Anyone who loves cooking might like this blog. There are a lot of recipes posted that make my mouth water. It also features some great humor.
http://busters-lounge.tumblr.com/

 

After seeing the recipes on the previous blog, you may want to wait for a while before following this link. Some of the facts are truly disgusting.
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_1980_22-disgusting-unseen-downsides-to-your-everyday-life/

 

I rarely watch network TV shows, but I thought the original Prison Break was a good one. So I am very interested in this remake.
http://mashable.com/2016/03/11/sarah-wayne-callies-returning-prison-break-limited-series/#PZa7KR_rhsq8

 

Could this technology be used to find that missing Malaysian Airlines plane, flight MH370? Maybe the aircraft is in water too deep for it to work.
http://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/2016/landsat-spots-shipwrecks-in-coastal-waters

 

“Hope I d-die before I get old!” (Oh, another explanation point, breaking the rule) sang Roger Daltrey. Well, all these rockers who have been passing away, lately, weren’t exactly old, but many of them likely once thought of seventy as ancient. And, now, Keith Emerson has joined that group.
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/keith-emerson-emerson-lake-and-palmer-keyboardist-dead-at-71-20160311?utm_source=tumblr&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=keith emerson rip

 

My favorite work by the band he helped make famous. And, at the end, a great example of his work.

 

When I am wrong, I am wrong, and I will admit it. A few days ago, on my Tumblr page, I reblogged a photo of the band Heart’s Ann Wilson, wishing her a happy birthday, but saying that I didn’t think the photo was current. It just looked so much different from those that I had seen of her, lately. I had even gone so far as to Google photos of Anne, and the picture in question did not appear, strengthening my opinion that it was an older one. But Tumblr user http://abloodymess.tumblr.com/post/140866949895/rodzilla-world-abloodymess-all-praise-65 has corrected me. Thank you. And congratulations to Ann on the dramatic weight loss. I wish I had such willpower.

 

Some kids just can’t stand being admonished.
http://en.rocketnews24.com/2016/03/09/11-year-old-scolded-for-too-much-gaming-cuts-off-own-finger-in-rage/

 

You can now take a virtual safari in Africa’s Kruger National Park, via Google Street View.
http://www.google.com/maps/streetview/#south-africa-the-mzansi-experience/kruger-park-elephants

 

I can see people who have a smaller dog thinking this might be a positive thing, and it very well may be effective. I still have to wonder, though, how long it would be before they are tired of cleaning underbrush from it. Because I am convinced that, if coyotes are a problem in your area, there isn’t a lot of pavement around. And, if a dog spends much time traveling through overgrown areas, these spikes will soon be tangled in it. Sorry if I am being a downer.
http://www.likecool.com/A_Prickly_Armored_Vest_Protects_Your_Little_Dog_From–Pet–Gear.html

 

It’s hard to extinguish a fire with fish.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/fish-fire-hydrant-nova-scotia-1.3483141

 

Just a pup being cute.tumblr_n98zhqhsW11sek8pqo1_500

 

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CdOPpU-UsAEZMQU

 

WTF? Someone needs to take that cat away from her, and arrest her for animal cruelty. How did that post get 42 likes? I hope most of the comments were negative.
yng

 

More likely wondering if that is edible.tumblr_nb44vaWdzC1qdlh1io1_400

 

Oh, to be as happy as this dog.
https://vine.co/v/e0BYUwAvZPF/embed/simplehttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

 

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The face of Jimi Hendrix created from musical equipment.
Jimmy-Hendrix-art-face-music-instruments

 

Remember the story I posted, last time, about Brian Johnson’s hearing loss? I guess I am missing something, because I assumed that earplugs would prevent further damage. 
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Something like this.
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2015/06/02/earbuds-hear/#.VuWs_4-cEyV

 

New music from Iggy Pop. Not bad.
http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=469693145&m=469806857

 

Sony music is severing ties with “Dr.” Luke. I was fairly surprised at the number of comments to this article which expressed doubt at Kesha’s claims about him. Kelly Clarkson also made negative remarks about him, but did not give any details.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/03/09/sony_will_reportedly_drop_dr_luke_amid_kesha_lawsuit_controversy.html

 

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I don’t believe at all in astrology, but I like this description of my sign.

 

cool-cartoon-American-politician-immigrants

 

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When a Third grader has more common sense than a lot of adults.
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/03/09/this-third-grader-obliterated-donald-trump-in-a-letter-every-conservative-needs-to-read-images/

 

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Not in a million, billion years. Regardless of how much she trusts him, or the amount of strength in his body, there are such things as accidents. A gust of wind, sweat from exertion, etc. How would he explain her injury or death to her parents, and live with the knowledge that he caused it with a foolish act, to prove some kind of useless point?
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Uh, no thanks, I’m not really very thirsty.
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Gotta assume/hope English is not their first language.
herbf

 

She does seem to be looking for attention.hng

 

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Who wants a ride on the Nope Swing? I’ll bet the screaming was deafening all the way down.
DSwl4q3 - Imgur

Uranus

 

You will see, later on, how my curiosity led to my being banned from a Facebook page. Here is another image that was posted, on a different site, without explanation. Have I no right to wonder what the hell is going on, here? I mean besides the obvious, that a naked woman is being spanked with a fish.fish-spanking_small

 

And, then, this, on a different site. No context, no comment at all, actually. Not even a “thinking about summer” remark. Just a beach/patio umbrella. Yeah, so? And 24 people liked it enough, apparently, to reblog. I just don’t get it.
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I wonder what the thought process was that went into this haircut. She seems proud of it. It looks like her wig fell off, and got caught in the vacuum cleaner, then she put it on crooked.79-funny-pictures-1182

 

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I always try to form my own opinions, rather than follow the crowd. I believe my history on this site will support that. I have no respect for those that merely jump on the latest bandwagon that goes by.

 

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I love cheese, but if I did this I would be bunged up for a month.
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WOW. Even on both legs, in a millisecond, I would be on my ass on the floor.
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At first I thought this was a plane that had been hit by an unexploded missile. No, just some corporate jet art.
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When your bro has your back. “Dude, you can’t be looking like that on camera”
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Blindingly stupid, or troll?
daylightsavings

 

An Alaskan palm fossilAlaskan palm fossil

 

No matter how many times I see a big ship being launched, it always amazes me a bit that it doesn’t sink.
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I found this very surprising.
http://themindunleashed.org/2016/03/huge-source-of-oxygen-inside-earth.html/

 

The largest structure in the Universe. This site completely blocks the story with a plea to sign up for a subscription to the site. How do these dumbasses think I found the article in the first place? I have a favorites list that would basically have done the same thing if they hadn’t pissed me off enough to make me decide not to add them. To get by it, click on the down arrow at the bottom of the screen.
http://www.galaxymonitor.com/boss-largest-structure-universe/

 

Hamnoy is a small fishing village on the island of Moskenesoya in the Lofoten Archipelago of Norway. The village sits on the eastern side of the Vestfjorden fjord, with shapely Festhelltinden Mountain as its backdrop. This photo was taken at dawn on a February morn. And I imagine the residents would have quite a laugh at North Americans who complain about the weather.Hamnoy is a small fishing village on the island of Moskenesoya in the Lofoten Archipelago of Norway. The village sits on the eastern side of the Vestfjorden fjord, with shapely Festhelltinden Mountain as its backdrop. This photo was taken at dawn on a February morn.

 

Hornstrandir, IcelandHornstrandir, Iceland

 

Matterhorn under moonlightMatterhorn under moonlight

 

The Bernese AlpsThe Bernese Alps

 

The Swiss Alps

 

I would love to have these on my bed.
cool-bed-sheets-cosmos-image

 

Planetary nebula IC 4406 in the constellation LupusPlanetary nebula IC 4406 in the constellation Lupus

 

Planet Saturn and its moons Tethys and Dione were photographed by the Voyager 1 space probe in November of 1980. The third moon, or shadow of one, in the upper right of the image, was not identified. Perhaps it is the shadow of one of the visible moons.Planet Saturn and its moons Tethys and Dione were, photographed by the Voyager 1 space probe in November of 1980.

 

Photo of last week’s solar eclipse, as seen from the Indonesian isle of Ternate, North Maluku
Indonesian isle of Ternate, North Maluku lies in the foreground

 

Beautiful shot of sand dunes on the surface of Mars. Taken by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, which is currently in its tenth year of service.
A beautiful picture of some dunes on the surface of Mars

 

I had seen photos of this odd mound on Ceres before, but never from this angle, which, to me, makes it easier to visualize. Every other shot I had seen was taken from more or less straight above, which made it look more like a crater, to me. No one has yet been able to figure out exactly how it was formed.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCqTE0MoaAR/

 

Timelapse of a supernova, V838 Monocerotis, captured by the Hubble Telescope over 4 years.

 

OK, car guys (and gals), a question: If I featured a vehicle with an Allison engine, but referred to it as an Alinson, would you let me get away with it? Or would your inner grammar Nazi come out? I made a comment to the post which made that error, saying that I had never heard of an Alinson, and that the person running the Facebook page should fact check/proofread before publishing. He replied that I was over reacting, and that it was just a simple typo. Well, the error seemed too distant from the correct word to be a simple typo. I was also informed that I was “the only person who had ever complained” on his site, and I had now (GASP!) done that twice. The previous time was a couple of months ago, when I had asked that images that were not self explanatory be given some context. So I guess this dude is running a Facebook page at 5 years of age, because adults don’t cry and pout when they are corrected. My reply that all no one else complaining proved was that I wasn’t a sheep got me banned from the site. I very nearly gave a shit. If I banned everyone who sent me a complaint, I wouldn’t have very many readers. Some of the complaints I get are useful, though. They tell me what people do, and do not like. Which is good, since people don’t seem to accept specific requests for feedback. And, contrary to what some people think, trying to correct errors such as the “Alinson” one are not trolling. I don’t think I would mind if I got corrected on my spelling, here. But I not only use spell check, I also proofread before publishing. I am having issues with the “D” key on my computer, though, so a word or two without a D may sneak through, until I get that fixed. I have also received a few comments, in the past, thanking me for providing an explanation for things they had seen on other sites, that had confused them.

 

The law is the law, but wouldn’t eliminating the middleman theoretically lower automobile prices? As well as stopping the incredible dealer markups that some dealers put on desirable, limited editions?
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-tesla-lawsuit-idUSKCN0WC2V4

 

(In the voice of Nelson Muntz, from The Simpsons) “HA, HA!”
http://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/man-tries-to-rob-taxi-when-deputy-cruiser-pulls-up-right-behind-him-in-traffic

 

Hard to imagine an automobile this beautiful getting upstaged, but there was nothing like the Countach around at the time.
http://www.motorauthority.com/news/1102818_lamborghinis-restoration-division-celebrates-miuras-50th-birthday

 

I doubt if I would ever buy one, unless, maybe if I were to win a multimillion lottery, but I really dig the concept. 700 horsepower is perfect for turning some large, high traction tires through the thick goop.
http://mashable.com/2016/03/10/jeep-trailcat/#otn9TLc.Suqx

 

I am not a fan of the look, but lower your vehicle if you must. But alter the suspension properly, if you do, so that you avoid this idiotic look. Not only looks dumb, but also no doubt hard on tires. And this guy likely has very poor traction.
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“I don’t know, Daddy. I was driving along normally, and, suddenly, I was in the ditch.”
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Driving across a bridge, when, suddenly, an airplane.
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A woman goes to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, I’ve got a strange problem I need your opinion on.” “Could you describe the symptoms to me?” he asked. “Well, it’s easier if I show you,” she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green
circles on her inner thighs. “They don’t hurt or anything, but I was a little worried about them.” The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, “Are you a lesbian, by any chance?” he asked. Embarrassed and slightly non-plussed at this question coming from a man with his head between her thighs she replied, “Well, yes, I am actually.
Why do you ask?” “Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell your girlfriend that her earrings aren’t real gold.”

 

According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That’s pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal women were!

 

A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So… You finish?” She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.” Surprised, the young man reached for her and they make love again. The young man smiles, and again he asks, “You finish?” And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, “No.” Stunned,  the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, “You finish!?” Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, “No! I Swedish!” 

 

The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said, “My mom’s a whore.” Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. The teacher asked, “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?” Johnny replied, “Yes, ma’am.” “Well, what did the principal say?” “He said that ‘Every job is important in our economy,’ gave me an apple and asked for my phone number.”

 

The 3 tragedies in a man’s life:
1- life sucks
2- job sucks
3- Wife doesn’t!

 

One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington’s Olympic Peninsula.  We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest Road when we saw a sign: “Ice 10 miles.” Five miles farther on there was another: “Ice 5 miles.” The next one was: “Ice 1/2 mile.” We practically crept that half-mile. Then we came to the last sign.  It was outside a small grocery store, and it read: “Ice 75 cents.”

 

A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up. “You’re making out we’re all dumb and stupid. I oughta punch you in the nose.” “I’m sorry sir. I…” “Not you,” says the Irishman. “I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.”

 

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn’t bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. “We just can’t wake her. It doesn’t look good, I’m afraid,” the doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, said, “But doctor, she’s so young. She’s only 42.” A faint voice emanated from the motionless patient,”…37.”   

 

‘Years ago’ when I was a child I used to go to the grocery store with my Mom. Barrels sat around the store filled with pickles, loose crackers, and huge containers from which lard was dispensed. This was a small country store. One morning my mom and I went to the store to purchase a few groceries. In the store was an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying.  The son of the owner was  minding the store while the father went to lunch.   He stated, “Miss Abigail, your pail will only hold two pounds.” Miss Abigail looked at him as if he were simple minded  and said, ” Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last five years!”

 

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line.” And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

 

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha.” Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow.” I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, “One”. The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” The kid says, “$101,237.65 “. The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?” The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.” The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?” The kid said, “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.'”

 

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?” His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.” “Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” said Dad. “Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

 

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

 

Thanks for visiting. Anything you do, or do not like? Something you would like to see? I do not claim to own the photos posted here. If you see your property here, and want it removed, or if you just have something to say, contact me via the comments section. If you liked what you found, here, please tell your friends. And feel free to use any of it for your own purposes. You might also want to check out my Tumblr page, http://rodzilla-world.tumblr.com/ I post similar content, there, but with less ranting.

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