Reading a book is just staring at a piece of dead wood and hallucinating.

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Here we are, May, already. Where does the time go? It is only the second, as I am writing this, and I am already suffering from the heat. The high, today, was 27 degrees Celsius. Since I begin to be uncomfortable at 20, I have become very good friends with my fan. The temperature is not forecast to drop below 20 again until Thursday, then rise to 27 again on Saturday. Fortunately, there is still relief at night, when it cools off to around 10 degrees.

 

I was recently asked how long I have been running this blog for. I recently celebrated the 9th anniversary of the creation of Rodney’s Space. There are only a few years of posts in the archive, however, since WordPress only provides 3 GB of storage space for free, and I decided not to purchase more, since most people had already seen the posts I deleted to free up storage.

I also received a comment saying that the reader loved the theme and color of my site, and asked if I created it myself. No, I am using the WordPress “Hero” theme. I liked the colors and layout of it the best of any of WordPresses default blog themes.

Next, I need to apologise to anyone I might have offended with the joke, in my previous post, about Muslims having sex with goats. Normally, I try to not be racist, but that one made me laugh, so I passed it along. To the person who was offended by it, I truly am sorry it bothered you. 

If you ask me a question, especially if you specify that you want an answer, INCLUDE A VALID EMAIL ADDRESS. If I do decide to reply directly to you, instead of posting my answer in the next post, as I usually do, all receiving a “unable to deliver” notification will do is to make me angry. And not likely to respond at all. I don’t get a lot of comments which require responses, so it is easy to answer them this way. And, by not publishing comments, I don’t have to worry about people who just post comments just to see their smartass opinion in print. You better say something that matters if you want my attention.

This may have just been a typo, but I was informed that this site may have a compatibility issue. Thing is, though, the comment said that it appears just fine in Internet Explorer, but not in IE. HUH? Aren’t they the same things? If you meant Apple’s Safari, I have no way to check that. I don’t know anyone who uses Safari. But, perhaps, since WordPress does not support .mov files, there are other incompatibilities with Apple. Anyone else having problems?

 

Heads up to anyone else who is using the free version of AVG antivirus. I had been using it for years, with no problems. So far as I know, it had been keeping my systems free of viruses. Then, one day, I received a prompt to install a free trial of the AVG Pro antivirus program. I took the offer, but didn’t notice any benefits from the Pro version, so, when the trial period expired, I declined the request to purchase the full program. Then, I got a large popup on my desktop EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. notifying me that my Pro trial had expired, and suggesting that I purchase the full version. I went through the entire menu of the AVG system, but could find no way to simply uninstall the free trial. So I ended up uninstalling the entire AVG antivirus suite, restarting my computer, and downloading/installing a fresh version of the free suite. Bottom line: as I said, I did not notice any improvement after installing the Pro trial, so I would recommend ignoring any offer to do so.

 

You never know what the results of an ad lib might be.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/04/30/garth-brooks-aaron-pritchett_n_9814358.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-alberta&ir=Canada+Alberta

 

Once again, I am reminded that not all teens are slacking idiots.
http://www.barnorama.com/teen-raises-awareness-for-cerebral-palsy-by-carrying-his-brother-111-miles/

 

There is no shame in most of these hookup stories. The webcam and strip club ones, though, I can see why they made something up.
https://whisper.sh/stories/f38cd6ac-26bd-489b-b7fd-ba1e1afebd87/16-Couples-Who-Are-Ashamed-of-How-They-Met?utm_content=inf_10_3401_1&utm_source=TSE1&tse_id=INF_97f6657f686b402fb5bfc911b3234962

 

So, Biebs, what happened to your defiant “I don’t care if you don’t like my dreads, I’m keeping them” statement? I guess when most of your fans think you have made a mistake, it’s time to rethink your decisions.
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/justin-bieber-shaves-blond-dreadlocks-debuts-buzz-cut-pics-w204702

 

I have read theories that the Pyramids were originally grain storage structures, and only later put to use as Egyptian Pharaoh tombs. That didn’t make sense then, and still doesn’t. Why go through all the trouble of building such a large structure just for grain storage? Especially when, as these scans show, most of the structure is wasted.
http://news.discovery.com/history/ancient-egypt/pyramid-interior-revealed-using-cosmic-rays-160427.htm

 

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is a smart man, but no one knows everything. An experienced pilot decided to school Neil about the relative safety of helicopters vs. airplanes.
http://www.iflscience.com/physics/man-lands-helicopter-engine-settle-debate-degrasse-tyson

 

As they say, it’s nice to be king. Too bad most of his “subjects” have almost zero freedoms.
http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/kim-jong-un-pleasure-squad-teenage/2016/04/29/id/726487/

 

While it is unfair to punish gays more harshly than others, I don’t care what your sexual orientation is, If you jerk it in a public washroom, you are a freak. It doesn’t matter how aroused you are. Wait until you get home. Having a boner for a few hours may be uncomfortable, but it isn’t going to kill you.
http://www.presstelegram.com/general-news/20160429/judge-says-long-beach-police-discriminate-against-gay-men-in-lewd-conduct-cases

 

Speaking of unfairness, it is interesting how these monkeys react when one of them gets a better reward.

 

Scientists are drilling a core sample from the crater left by the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs.
http://discovermagazine.com/galleries/2016/chicxulub

 

This movie shows a computer model of the impact.

 

Who would like to drink beer brewed from human belly button lint? You can do so, if you are interested.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/79343/australian-brewers-made-beer-their-belly-button-lint

 

I have seen people spill more beer than 6 teaspoons and not notice it.
http://www.darlingtonandstocktontimes.co.uk/news/14461911.Disbelief_as_pub_landlady_prosecuted_over__pint_short_by_six_teaspoons_of_beer_/

 

For some unknown reason, fish sandwich sales at Japanese McDonald’s restaurants can double when it rains.
http://en.rocketnews24.com/2016/04/30/why-does-mcdonalds-japan-sell-more-filet-o-fish-when-it-rains/

 

If you don’t understand what the word “herring” means, on a package in a grocery store, maybe you shouldn’t buy it.
http://www.westerndailypress.co.uk/Lidl-recalls-herring-contain-fish-warning/story-29203802-detail/story.html

 

I don’t know if he had help writing it, but I thought President Obama’s speech at this years White House Correspondent’s Dinner was brilliant, especially the “drop the mike” ending. You can read the transcript here, if you have not already seen it.
http://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/

 

This is nothing short of amazing.
http://amazingtails.net/golden-retriever-saves-owner-with-modified-heimlich-manoeuvre/

 

More dogs being heroes. Although they might have lain next to her for their own sake, to gain her warmth.
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/04/28/frog-lake-first-nation_n_9799404.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-alberta&ir=Canada+Alberta

 

Who knew cows liked playing soccer?

 

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Imagine being out in a small boat in the ocean, and seeing this. “Please, don’t surface. Please, don’t surface.”
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Best buds.
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Seeding a lake with thousands of fish. If fish can think, imagine what they might be thinking after experiencing this ride.
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Even if these were tame horses, I wonder how easy it was to get these sweaters on them. No, they weren’t photoshopped. Someone actually knitted the ponies sweaters. I also wonder how long they stayed clean. And how effective they are when they get wet.
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This incredible photo marks the end of Matador Torero Alvaro Munera’s career. He collapsed in remorse mid-fight when he realized he was having to prompt this otherwise gentle beast to fight. Even grievously wounded, the bull did not attack Munera.  Torero went on to become an avid opponent of bullfights.
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“Hey, kid. Remember yesterday, when you pulled my tail? Well. Momma ain’t around now.”
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This is all purely hypothetical, of course, but, with all the Calvin/Susie interactions I have seen, I just had the thought “I wonder if they might have dated when they became older?” I mean, they would have been very familiar with each other, and he did pay a lot of attention to her. A lot of times, teasing is just a boy’s clumsy way of dealing with a girl he likes. And, even after all of the teasing, pranks, and gross outs, she still speaks to him. So, maybe she likes him a little bit, too?ch150602

 

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Part II of my Beyoncé putdown. Considering my own fat ass, I am certainly in no position to judge others, but, then, I don’t wear outfits like these, either. A lot of guys love big booties, though, as evidenced by Coco’s and Kim K’s popularity. Especially black men. And I’m not putting down fat girls. I am questioning the love of big booties. I don’t get it. Like I said, who am I to talk, but, so far as I know, no woman has ever lusted after my own oversized butt.
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On the other hand. Sorry, gals, but you have to admit, it’s true. Not that I ever try to take advantage of it.
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I read that both Beyoncé and Jay Z have been seen, recently, without their wedding rings. What that means is anyone’s guess, since she seems to be going out of her way to announce her love for him. Quite frankly, I don’t really care. And I really should quit commenting about the entire situation, but I can’t resist gloating over being one of the few people who isn’t awestruck at every move Beyonce makes. And I am tired of seeing all of the “Masterpiece” referenced articles.

 

If you have the time, and patience, this is a fairly interesting talk about why people in happy relationships cheat. The answers aren’t good. It is about 20 minutes long, but worth the time, I think.

 

I’m getting tired of seeing this everywhere, too.

“She didn’t look too phased by Chris’ leering ” “The star spoke about sexism in the Marvel movies”. So, let me ask this question: Who forced her to wear a dress that was open nearly to her navel? And isn’t that dress promoting sexism? Rather than letting her work speak for itself, she chose to let her breasts draw attention to her. Seems like a double standard to me. 

But all everyone is focused on is how Chris was “caught” leering at her cleavage. Like I said, she wore that dress for a reason. Attention. And she got it. But the media are all bound by political correctness to not mention it.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/chris-evans-caught-ogling-elizabeth-7855244

 

I don’t consider TMZ a trusted news source, but they have video, so…If you are going to jump bail, you shouldn’t be advertising your whereabouts. At least they waited until the show was over.
http://www.tmz.com/2016/05/01/wes-scantlin-arrested-vandalism/

 

I don’t know how I was unaware of this film until now. I found out about it after seeing it advertised as being available, now, on Netflix. Tom Petty is among my favorite artists, and I am sure this would be great entertainment. Lots of guest appearances from the likes of Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, and Stevie Nicks.
http://www.marketwired.com/press-release/warner-bros-records-runnin-down-a-dream-tom-petty-heartbreakers-film-peter-bogdanovich-774211.htm

 

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Some would say that, if you can no longer count, or remember, how many beer you have had, you have had enough.oiukyjth

 

Since he only pushed out the one block, it is not surprising that she seems unimpressed.

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Oh, please tell me her name is not pronounced like the pasta. It seems impossible for it not to be.enhanced-buzz-3234-1361896160-10

 

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OK, people, it is time to stop. “Namey McNameface” is already old, and unoriginal.tumblr_o6guvwWdUm1qewacoo1_500

 

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Congratulations, sir, you are World’s Laziest Parent. At least he is interacting with the kid.funny-gif-lazy-dad-fishing-rod-ball

 

Oh, soooo tempting.funny-gif-office-woman-trip-falling

 

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Note to self: Always check the toilet before using, for potential varmints.tumblr_o672eafiYu1ucu33vo1_1280

 

 

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26-inch thick armor from Japanese Yamato class battleship, pierced by a US Navy 16-inch gun.

 

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It really is too bad that Mars lost its oxygen and water. Perhaps life, intelligent or otherwise, might have developed there. And we need another planet to mess up.
http://planetaria.ca/2016/04/evidence-curiosity-rover-shows-mars-oxygen-rich-atmosphere/

 

Looking at these odd Earthly creatures, who knows what any extra terrestrial life which exists might look like.
http://themetapicture.com/some-of-these-are-terrifying/

 

Zooming in on the Lagoon Nebula.
http://www.spacetelescope.org/static/archives/videos/hd_1080p25_screen/heic1015a.mp4

 

Omega Centauri as seen through the F Gap in Saturn’s rings. WordPress doesn’t support .mov files, but if you click on the image about 1/2 way down the page, the animation will download to your computer. On my system, it automatically saved in the “downloads” folder. I can’t remember if older versions of Windows has this folder or not, but there should be a default folder that they use. If you don’t know where that is, just search for a file named PIA12788.mov. If you can’t find it, don’t worry, the animation is not a real big deal, but it is kind of neat.
http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/catalog/PIA12788

 

Scientists are studying a large rocky object that formed around the same time as the planets in our Solar System, and was recently bumped out of the Oort Clound, into a different orbit, closer to the Sun.
http://www.sci-news.com/featurednews/rocky-comet-oort-cloud-03828.html

 

Every known object in our Solar System over 200 miles in diameter. Follow the link in the box, below, to open a full size picture.
https://www.facebook.com/TheUniverseofCarl/photos/a.231450073583055.57325.163063653755031/1085822798145774/?type=3&theater

 

The story, and a photo of IRAS 14568-6304, a young star cloaked in gas and dust.
https://www.facebook.com/TheUniverseofCarl/posts/1086487958079258:0

 

There is a dwarf planet in the Kuiper Belt named Makemake. It was recently discovered to have a moon.
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2016/04/26/dwarf-planet-makemake-isnt-alone

 

This definitely goes on my must see list.
http://news.discovery.com/earth/astronauts-shoot-imax-movie-from-space-photos-160429.htm?utm_source=Twitter.com&utm_campaign=Discovery&utm_medium=social&sf25348541=1

 

This is why I hate sites like The Onion. Because a lot of people aren’t smart enough to know that some things are not possible.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2016/04/30/saturn_won_t_be_huge_on_may_1_2016.html

 

I really like viewing pictures of our planet from above.
http://proof.nationalgeographic.com/2016/04/21/earth-edemaier-aerial-pictures/

 

Mars, Saturn, and the center of our Milky Way Galaxy, captured by Redditor enosage.

 

The Butterfly Nebula.butterflyblue_hst_960

 

Why I don’t like lowriders. First off, most of them don’t look right. Also, as the article and video show, they are extremely impractical.
http://bangshift.com/general-news/videos/watch-group-stanced-cars-russia-run-aground-tiny-speed-bump-weve-exported-stupidity/

 

I did some stupid things in cars when I was young, too. Such as scaring my passengers by driving too fast, and having them yell at me to slow the hell down. I was sober, that time, and on an open stretch of double highway, so I still don’t think I was necessarily being reckless. Another time, I was. Blind drunk, and still driving, I took a curve too fast, and rolled my sisters car. If the passenger’s door hadn’t sprung open, the car would probably have rolled over again, crushing one or both of my friends. They never held it against me, though, even though one of them had to go to the hospital with bruised ribs. It was common, at that time, in our town, for teens to be hurt in car accidents, so we were no smarter, or responsible, than a lot of today’s teens.
http://www.cnet.com/news/snapchat-teen-sued-over-car-crash-at-107-mph/

 

The entire area had a culture of impaired driving, and still has, now, 30-some years later. There were 4 or 5 towns within 15 or 20 minutes of us, and one or more of them had a party every weekend. We just had to cruise around until we found it. I know, in my youth, the drinking culture was at least partially due to the fact that the RCMP detachment was based in the next town over, and usually only made a patrol of our town twice a day, usually around the same time, and only stayed for a maximum of 1/2 hour. So, once we knew their schedule, it was easy to avoid them by either going out into the country, or into someone’s house, and not even have to stop drinking. Do I regret that lifestyle now that I am an adult? For the most part, no. I wish we would have been smart enough to know when to park, though. I shudder to think about just how lucky we actually were to not get into more trouble, or lose more friends.
http://globalnews.ca/news/2672615/wasted-the-culture-of-drinking-and-driving-in-saskatchewan/?sf25544069=1

 

We might have benefitted from this kind of wakeup call. Even though seeing a lot of wrecked vehicles didn’t change much.
http://www.edmontonsun.com/2016/04/30/distracted-drivers-get-real-life-lesson

 

I am not at all in favor of hacking up classic cars, so, although I love mud bogs, unless this bogger has an aftermarket fiberglass body, I am not impressed. Judging from the appearance of the underneath and the interior of the vehicle, it just might be. Trucks just look better as boggers, though, don’t they?

 

You love your Corvette, and think it is pretty fast, so you decide to take it to the track and show it off, maybe even win a trophy. You piss yourself laughing when you are pitted against an old pickup. Uh, until it beats you. You will have to use the link in the video to open it on YouTube, since the user has disabled both embedding and video playback on other sites, for some unknown reason. Perhaps he is thinking that will prompt viewers to check out his other videos. I didn’t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIE9C1RHsno&feature=youtu.be

 

Once again, this week, I felt it necessary to school someone about the old “large truck = little dick” myth. The photo, below, was posted with the caption “Midget? Or is it a Little Dick truck?”. Some people actually have a legitimate use for these vehicles, either for work, or for play. And the one in the photo actually looks this way from the Ford factory. http://www.f650pickups.com/ Now, who thinks Ford is going to create an assembly line just to cater to a few rich people with manhood issues? I’ll bet that, if we could see the rear of the truck, there would be a big trailer hitch below the bumper. Or a 5th wheel in the bed. He replied to me that he had gone shopping for a 4 wheel drive, a few years ago, and, on all of them, the seals were dried out from never having 4WD engaged. My reply, “Well, no one ever accused Southern folks of being too smart” finally got a rise out of him. Suddenly, when people are spreading myths that involve you, it isn’t quite so funny.
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Now how would this machine be turned? By leaning? 1936 BMW Schneekrad snow machine.
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I’m guessing her handicap is blindness.
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I found this posted in the jokes section of a website, but it is still good advice.
During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: ‘What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?’ Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” replied the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello.’ I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.  

 

A student who wanted into an advanced course was being interviewed by the admittance committee. The professor asked, “Would you rather answer ten easy questions or one difficult question?” The student immediately replied, “One difficult question.” The professor smiled. He had him! “Young man, tell me: which came first, — day or night?” The boy quickly replied, “Day, sir.” The professor grinned, thinking, ‘I got you!’ He then asked, “How?” The boy was dismissive. “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s a second question! You promised I’d only have to answer ONE question.” Admission secured!     

 

Here are the 10 reasons I’d Like to thank Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, and my local grocer for having 25 checkout lanes, and only three open at any given time.
Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle — there’s so much to learn!
I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.
I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the 13 things on my list I forgot.
I can be one of those annoying cell phone users and catch up on all my phone calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law, and Auntie Anne.
I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive home.
I can assess what other people have in their carts and get exciting new dinner ideas.
I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty of drying time.
I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.
I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my purse.
I can practice my standup comedy routines on unsuspecting fellow customers.
I can practice some standing yoga poses and then do those isometric muscle-contracting exercises no one else in line is supposed to know you’re doing.
I can taste test my package of the newest low-carb, zero-transfat, Splenda-saturated cookies.
I can breathe heavily on my T-bones so they’re defrosted in time for dinner and I won’t have to leave them out on the driveway in the hot late afternoon sun as I normally do.  

 

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday School. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. “When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “Now, Joey, is that really what your Sunday School teacher taught you?” his mother asked. “Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

 


As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department, carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, “Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist.

 


Men drive too fast, we were told, because the car is an extension of the penis. But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast; they would just back in and out of the garage. Or maybe just polish it all the time.

(Which a lot of them actually do).

 

A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. “So,” says the mom, “now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with young men?” “Oh, you know how it is,” replies the daughter. “Boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn’t working for me.” “How?” asks mom. “Oh, stuff.” says daughter. “Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters,” continues mom. “I don’t know,” answers the daughter. “Now don’t forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me,” says mom. “OK,” says the reluctant daughter. “For starters, how do you get their cum out of your hair?”

 

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”. “No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”. “No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”. “Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!” Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.” Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any longer. 

 


Mildred and Chester knew each other from childhood but were in their Seventies when they got married. They had to wait for Millard’s mother to pass away first. Back in those days there was no hanky panky before marriage so Chester and Mildred were both still virgins. Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their wedding night, having waited so patiently all these years. However, Mildred was very apprehensive as she had developed a heart condition and would have to tell Chester that they could not do it. Chester is now sitting on the bed wanting Mildred to hurry up. He detects a little reluctance on her part. Thinking that she is shy he sends her off to the bathroom to get undressed. When she reappears in her silk satin nightie, he gets her to sit next to him on the bed. Not knowing how to get things started he pulls the first strap on her nightie. She blushes just as red as her silk satin nightie. She is really concerned about telling Chester about her heart condition. In the meantime Chester is looking at the first breast he has seen since his own mother’s. It is hanging there down to her belly button: gravity having taken it’s course over some sixty years. He realizes her anxiety but  figures she is going have to be helped a little more. Now he pulls the second strap and sees the second breast unroll downward before him. Poor Mildred is now beside herself. She is going to have to tell Chester about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all her courage, she says, “Chester I have acute angina.” Chester says, “I sure hope so. Cuz you’ve shore got ugly tits.”

 

A defense attorney was cross-examining a Chicago police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in the police station — a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do. Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir. Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.  

 


Do you have a dirty mind?

1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3). What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it,
and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t,
one of which is a word for a woman?

6). What does a dog do that you can step into?

7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k,
and if you can’t get one you can use your hands?

8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?

10). What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on others;
the pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)

 

Q. How is Colonel Sanders a typical male?
A. All he’s interested in is legs, breasts and thighs.

 

A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews’ priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he’s about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. “S**t!” It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.

 

Q) What’s warm and soft, when you go to bed, and hard, and stiff in the morning
A) Vomit

 

Some of these might take a while.

I was walking through the cemetery and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning..”. He said, “No. Taking a shit.”

 

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag. A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: “One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.” He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest. “Father, please come with me . Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”. They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: “One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.” Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: “What about the two at the gate?”

 

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence, and as he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

 

The other day I picked up a blind prostitute. I thought “Well you have to hand it to her”.

 

Thanks for visiting. Anything you do, or do not like? Something you would like to see? I do not claim to own the photos posted here. If you see your property here, and want it removed, or if you just have something to say, contact me via the comments section. If you liked what you found, here, please tell your friends. You might also want to check out my Tumblr page, http://rodzilla-world.tumblr.com/ I post similar content, there, but with less ranting.

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